Season One Quotes

These are some of our favorite quotes taken from the first season of Lois and Clark:
Pilot

• "Great shades of Elvis!" -Perry
• "Oooo, who's the new tight end?" -Cat
• "Don't fall for me, farmboy. I don't have time for it." -Lois
• "My mother made it for me." -Clark
• "Tell us more about this 'Lois'..." -Martha
• "It wasn't Jimmy, was it?" -Clark
• "I said nine, I thought you'd be naked...uh, ready." -Lois
• "Smooth." -Jimmy
• "Well, one thing's for sure, nobody's gonna be looking at your face." "Mom!" "Well, they don't call them tights for nothing!" -Martha & Clark
• "You are a strange one, Clark Kent." -Lois
• "So, explain something to me. You eat like a eight-year-old, yet you look like Mr. Hardbody. What's your secret, and can I have it." -Lois
• "I just want you to meet a super guy..." -Lucy
• "Kent is a hack from Smallville...I couldn't make that name up!" -Lois
• "You've got to stop scaring them off, Lois! You've got to stop being so *smart* all the time, so intense!" "Look, I'm just being myself, and if they're not man enough to handle it, then I guess I'll just wait for someone who is." -Lucy & Lois
• "So, is this a date?" "Date? Oh, oh you mean like in Kansas, where you meet my parents and then you try to give me a hickey in the vacant lot behind the dairy freeze (sarcastic laugh). No, this is not a date! This is business." -Clark & Lois
• "If you ever need to find me, all you have to do is look up." -Superman
• "Lois Lane--finally, literally, swept off her feet. Too bad he's an alien." -Cat
• "And,lets get something straight. I did not work my buns off to become an investigative reporter for the Daily Planet just to babysit some hack from nowheresville. And, one other thing, you are not working with me, you're working for me. I call the shots. I ask the questions. You are low man, and I am top banana. And that's the way I like it. Comprend?" "You like to be on top. Got it" "Don't push me Kent. You are way out of your league." -Lois & Clark
• "That's a typical male response." "Lois, trust me on this, I am not a typical male." -Lois & Clark
• "Lois is, well, she's complicated. Domineering, uncompromising, pigheaded...brillant." -Clark
• "Are you saying this is all my fault? At least I had the guts to come in here...What am I saying? This probably my fault. Oh God. I sometimes do things, you know, like jump in the pool before checking the water level first. But, Clark, it's the only way I know how to do it." -Lois
• "I wanted to thank you for all your help getting us out of there. And, uh, one other thing, if you ever breathe a word of anything I told you in there, I will deny it and..." "You can trust me, Lois." "Right, I've heard that one before." -Lois & Clark

• "Don't you back up your files on floppies?" "Clark, this is no time to be discussing your compulsive behaviors." -Clark & Lois
• "Does Superman have any telepathic powers?" "I hope not." -Trask & Lois
• "Well, look what the cat dragged in." "You've got the wrong idea, Lois." "Cat Grant's bedroom has more comings and goings then that of Metro Station. You're just another commuter." -Lois & Clark
• "I hear you've been looking for me." "All my life." -Superman & Lois
• "You seem, um, to have all the parts of a man." "Well, I am a man, Lois, just like you're a woman." -Lois & Superman

• "You got the story, and you took me down a peg in the process. I guess I deserve that. You worked hard and you earned your success." "Thank you, Lois. That means a lot to me." "Well, I hope so. Cherish this moment because, Clark, you'll never experience this again." "Hey, Lois, what have we got goin' on tomorrow?" "Now, there, you're using that word again, Clark. There is you. There is I. There is no we." "Not yet." "Not ever!" "We'll see..." "How long can you hold your breath?" "A very long time..." -Lois & Clark
• "But he's MINE!" -Lois
• "Superman has morals; because of that, I win." -Lex
• "What we've got here is an example of human evolution. Before and after. Clark is the before--Superman is the after. Make that the way, way after!" -Lois
• "We? There is no we." "How do you know that I don't have the inside track on finding Superman?" "Sure, Clark, and when you run across Jimmy Hoffa and the Easter Bunny, why don't you reel them in too?" -Lois & Clark
• "I have never stolen a story before in my life. How could I do that? It's him. It's Superman. I mean, ever since he held me in his arms, there's something between us, Lucy. I know it. There's this connection." "You should be ashamed of yourself." "I am ashamed of myself. I'm ashamed of myself." "And you'll never do it again?" "I won't. Never again." "And you'll apoligize to Clark Kent?" "Not in this millennium." -Lois & Lucy
• "Well, what he can't do, it doesn't matter. It's the idea of Superman. Someone to believe in. Someone to build a few hopes around. Whatever he can do, that's enough." -Lois

• "When I was a kid, Lucy and I used to play this game. We'd ask each other, what would you rather do, fly or be invisible?" "And you chose?" "Mmm, invisible. I wished I could walk through all those closed doors. I guess I still do." "And what do you think you'd find there behind all those closed doors?" "Mmm, I don't know. Something different, wonderful. Something I don't have, can't have. So, what about you?" "What?" "Invisible or fly?" "Fly." "Really?" "Yeah." "You know, I never thought I would say this, Clark, but you and I have something in common." "What's that?" "Superman. You want to fly like him, and I wanna fly with him." -Lois & Clark
• "Superman on TV? I don't think so." -?
• "Does everything in life have to have a perfectly reasonalbe explanation?" "Everything." "All grounded in clear, scientific reason?" "Of course." "No magic left in the universe." "There's no werewolves or vampires loose in the city either." "What about Superman?" "Huh?" "There's a man living somewhere in Metropolis who flies, Lois." -Clark & Lois
• "You know, Lois, it must be tough being right all the time." "Yes, it is." -Clark & Lois
• "I guess I just feel like I'm losing myself to the man in the red, yellow and blue suit." "Son, it's the man beneath the suit that we care about." -Clark & Jonathon
• "You know, Clark, not that I am one of those people who revel in saying, 'I told you so.'" "Uh, huh." "But, I hope you learned you lesson. There's no such thing as an invisible man." "Yes, there is, Lois. Yes, there is." -Lois & Clark

• "Partners?" "You and Kent. The experience of the battle-scarred veteran paired with the hunger of the exciting, fresh talent." "I am not scarred, and he is not exciting." "Your tenacity. His tact. Believe me, Lois, the two of you, there's chemistry there. It's gonna make for great stories." "But, Perry, partnership, it's like marriage." "That's right. You've got to work at it." "It takes patience and understanding, a willingness to be supportive." "I know, honey. Fake it." -Lois & Perry
• "It's always such an embarrassment. Having to do away with someone. It's like announcing to the world that you lack the savvy and the finesse to deal with the problem more creatively. I mean, there have been times, naturally, when I've had to have people eliminated, but it's always saddened me. I've always felt like I've let myself down somehow." -Lex
• "Get sales on the phone. Tell them I want T.V. spots, radio spots, skywriting. Let Metropolis know that Lane and Kent are the greatest writing team since, ah, ah, well, Woodward and Bernstein, and they can read about it in the Daily Planet." -Perry

• "But, tell me, honestly, you weren't the slightest bit jealous of me and Toni Taylor." "You'd like that, wouldn't you? Me, at home, in a schlumpy robe, crying in a tub of Rocky Road? In your dreams, Kent...in your dreams." -Clark & Lois
• "Lois, this just came for you. The, ah, drycleaner said he had a terrible time with the, ah, feathers." -Jimmy
• "You know, Kent, uh, it's always been my policy to back my reporters 100%. I mean, if you went up there and opened these windows and told me you could fly, I'd back you up. I'd miss you, but I'd back you up." -Perry
• "He's a man. I'm a woman. Do you want me to draw you a diagram?" -Lois
• "You will pay for this, Kent, I swear." "It's Kean, remember?" "Benedict Arnold is more like it." "I had no choice." "You had a choice. You could have pretended that we were sharing some fleeting moment of passion. But you didn't think of that, did you? No." "No, but I'll remember the next time we're in a closet." "Don't even think about it." "It's for your own good, believe me." "No. No!" (He throws her in a dumpster.) "And stay out." "Guess you won't be hearing from her no more." "Speak for yourself." -Lois, Clark, Ganster

• "There is no such thing as being too smart." -Lois
• "Found? You mean stole, don't you?" "Well, I..." "You took advantage of a privileged interview situation to grab potentially incriminating evidence from an unsuspecting subject. Oh, I love that." -Lois & Clark

• "Betcha he's a crossdresser!" -Lois
• "I feel like Dorothy! Shouldn't a tornado be flying me off to Oz pretty soon." -Lois
• "Oh, well, I tried to warn him about those amber waves of grain." -Lois
• "Lois, you'll be on in Clark's room. Clark, you'll be on the couch. Unless you two are..." "No, we're not, not, no, not." -Martha & Lois
• "I don't know, mom, Lois thinks the cook might be a crossdresser." "Oh, honey, that's Clark's father. I can't get him to buy a dress for me let alone one for himself." "I, I was just illustrating a point really." -Clark, Martha, Lois
• "Well, let's see, so far I've been a glimpse of ritual crop worship, treated as your girlfriend, and I insulted your parents. No, I couldn't have planned this. Mmm, mmm." -Lois

• "I've got you babe!" -Mayor
• "Superman is in the shower? Did you see him? I, I mean, does the outfit actually come off?" "I didn't look." "Of course not. No, I wouldn't either. Mmm, mmm." -Lois & Clark
• "Goodbye? We're partners." "You don't need a partner, Lois. You never did." "Well, maybe not, but I was starting to like having one." -Lois & Clark
• "Everybody around here is treating me like I lost my best friend or something. First Superman, now Clark. I don't know who I'm going to miss more." -Lois
• "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Superman." "Superman who?" "Exactly." -Lex & Nigel
• "Easy, Kent, you can be replaced. I was already starting to look." -Lois

• "Clark...whatcha workin' on?" -Lois
• "Liar, you are so attracted to me!" -Lois
• "Did I really do the dance of the seven veils?" -Lois
• "Lois, you don't know how many times I've thought of this...DREAMT of this...something like this..." -Clark
• "Your problem, Lois, is that you can't admit your true feelings." "Alright, maybe, somewhere very deep inside of me is some eensy-weensy, microcosmic--although hightly unlikely--possibility that I feel some sort of unmotivated, completely unrealistic attraction to you." -Clark & Lois
• "Minute's up, Clark! Come to mama!" -Lois
• "Lois, get a grip!" "Ooh, believe me, I'd love to." -Clark & Lois
• "Lois, I can't take it anymore. If you want me, I'm yours." "Clark, have you lost your mind! (Looking down at her outfit.) Or have I lost mine?" -Clark & Lois
• "That would mean that I found you...Clark, you were sprayed, how come you didn't fall for me?" "I guess I'm just not attracted to you, Lois." "Liar! You are so attracted to me." "I guess not." "Guess so." "Guess not." "Guess so." -Lois & Clark

• "What is that?" "It's my word." "There's no such word." "Sure there is. Someone's a chump, therefore, he's chumpy." "Try again." "Are you challenging me?" "You bet your sweet little chumpy I am." -Clark & Lois
• "I win, you lose, we're both happy." -Lois
• "Everything's going fine, assuming Lois lets me have my turn in the bedroom tonight." "Well, that would be...I'm sure she will, son." -Clark & Jonathon
• "Doesn't anybody knock around here?" -Lois
• "We flip for the bed." "How about I get the bed, I lend you a pillow?" "How about we alternate nights?" "How about we don't?" "Well, it's a big bed, how 'bout we share?" "How about we alternate nights?" -Clark & Lois
• "Lois Lane in the honeymoon suite?" "Stranger things have happened." "Name one." -Cat & Jimmy
• "I was the one who never got to use the bedroom." "Well, now you have something to look forward to...when you meet the right woman." -Clark & Lois

• "C.K., you are the man!" -Jimmy
• "Superman is the type of man that makes things happen. I mean, he's good looking and he's good, but the thing you notice most about him is how much you can count on him." -Lois
• "And we're friends, right?" "Sure we're friends." "Are we more than friends?" "More than...well, like I told you, we're partners. We work closely together." "How close?" "Close. Not close close. But close." "I bet you're a great reporter." "Well, see, your memory's already starting to come back." -Clark & Lois
• "Lois, thank you." "For what?" "For whatever it is you've done for me that makes me feel so good about you." "Clark, whether or not that memory of yours comes back, I want you to know that I think you're terrific." "Likewise." "I mean, I love you...like a brother." (Lois leaves.) "That part is definitely coming back to me." -Clark & Lois
• "Clark, Superman put it all on the line. Twice. You, you fell into a bunch of garbage cans in the dark. I hardly think you can put yourself in the same league as him." "Whatever you say, Lois. Whatever you say." -Lois & Clark

• "Don't suck up. I don't like it." -Perry
• "Well, excuse me for caring." "I love it that you care." -Clark & Lois
• "It just makes you more human, alright. I write as well as you do. I am vastly more fun at parties, but you are the star here. Chief's little favorite. In on all the action. Oh, oh, and, when you get in trouble, look who's hanging around to come to the rescue. Not only a cute guy, but also a god in a cape. Lois, you have something the rest of us don't have, alright. So, it would be nice for once, just, just once, that can you admit that you have bad day and problems and fears just like the rest of us." -Cat
• "C'mon." "Where are we going?" "I thought you might wanna walk me home." "I thought you didn't need a bodyguard." "Who said anything about a bodyguard?" -Lois & Clark

• "That's too bad cause I already had your wedding present all picked out?" "You did?" "A set of personalized stationery, 'From the desk of Cat Chow'." -Lois & Cat
• "That's BRILLIANT, Jimmy!" -Perry
• "Oh, now I get it." "Get what?" "Why you don't like magic." "Oh, do tell." "It drives you crazy not to be in on the secret. You always have to know everything about everything." "That is not true. I like being surprised, as long as I know about it in advance." -Clark & Lois
• "Now, every time I say the word "chief," the Chief tells me I'm brillant." "Jimmy, that's terrible. Will it work if I say it?" -Jimmy & Lois
• "The best thing we can do is wait it out and talk to Moskell afterwards." "You're right." "I am?" "Yeah. We should be adult about this. We should just write the story after Rose's son is returned safely home." "I'm proud of you, Lois." "Thank you, Clark." (Clark leaves.) "Are you feeling okay?" "Get your camera." -Clark, Lois, Jimmy

• "Here's the scene...your wife has spent the entire day at the beauty parlor. She dyed her hair red, cut it all off, just to please you--only it looks GHASTLY. She comes home, you open the door, she standing there all hopeful, 'Honey, do you like it?' What do you do?" -Lois
• "What happens if you miss?" "That's an interesting question, Mr. Kent. Well, let's see. This clay pigeon weighs 2 ounces. We're on the 110th floor, approximately 1,500 feet from the street level. Considering the g-force and the speed, if this object hit some hapless passerby, it would strike at the speed of about 200 miles per hour. Well, my guess is that it would kill, unfortunately, him or her instantly. I never miss." -Clark & Lex
• "Clark, men and women lie to each other all the time. It's a national pastime. I mean, sometimes it's okay to lie." "It's never okay." "So, you're saying you will never lie to your wife, that is, assuming someone is crazy enough to actually say "I do" to you?" -Lois & Clark
• "I know." "You know?" "What, exactly, do you know?" "You know. About him, where he is." "Oh, so you do know." "How do you know?" "It's better you don't know. But, I don't know officially. But, then, if a man in my position didn't know unofficially, I wouldn't be a man in my position." "So, now that you know, unofficially, are you gonna tell anyone that, you know, know?" "No. I just wanted you to know." "Well, thank you, sir, I feel much better knowing that you know." "Me too." "There is something you should know, though." "What's that?" "The minute you step outside that door, I no longer know. And, I don't wanna know anything else worth knowing in the future." -Perry, Lois, Clark
• "Well, go ahead. I'm waiting." "For what?" "The morality play. The "you-should-have-trusted-me-and my-infallible-reporter's-instinct" lecture." "Clark, you don't need me to remind you of your shortcomings. I would've thought by now they'd be obvious. C'mon. I'm starving, and you're buying. And, just in case you did miss the moral to the story, thank you, you should trust what's in people's hearts. Not just the facts, ma'am." "Aah." "You know, I have the funny feeling that you didn't tell me your biggest secret." "Well, just to put your little mind at ease, Lois, your right." -Clark & Lois

• "I suppose you expect me to pry into your life, try and find out what's bothering you, and then relate it to some obscure event in the life of Elvis Presley. Well, I...I'm just not gonna do that." "Why not?" "Well, for one thing, any connection I made would be vague and not particularly useful. And, for another, if I did that, it would seem like I cared more about telling my story than helping you with your problem." "I don't think I can trust Clark anymore." "Would you care to tell me why?" "He lied to me." "Oh, well, don't you lie to him?" "Of course, lie to him all the time!" -Perry & Lois
• "It's my great pleasure to announce that the candidates for the Merriweather Award for Journalistic Excellence has just been released, and the Daily Planet's writing team of Lois Lane and Clark Kent are among the nominees." "C.K., you are the man...(looking at Lois)and you are the woman." "More or less." -Perry, Jimmy, Cat
• "I decided to forgive you." "Well, thank you, Lois...why?" "Cause I thought about what you did, and I realized something." "What's that?" "That, if I had seen the globe first, I would have taken it, and hidden it, and not told a soul, just like you did. We're not that different after all." "You think?" "Sure. Like Jimmy says, if we go back far enough, we're probably related." "Somehow, I doubt that. I'm from Kansas, remember?" "How could I forget." -Lois & Clark

• "Speaking of bodies, that partner of yours, great one. Buns of steel." "How would you know?" "You don't need Superman's x-ray vision to figure that out." "Listen, Linda, stay away from him." -Linda & Lois
• "So, she stole a story, and she stole a guy, and now she's trying to do it again?" "Don't flatter yourself." "Hey, don't take this out on me, Lois." "Why not? You say "yes" to her party and "yes" to her lunch and "yes" to walking her home. You're turning into her indentured servant." "Oh, so it's okay to be your servant but nobody else's?" -Clark & Lois
• "So, you mean that I have been having all these feelings for nothing?" "What feelings?" "Forget it, I'm not feeling them anymore." -Lois & Clark

• "I thought I was the biggest Superman fan in Metropolis. You should join the fan club--you get a button." -Lois
• "Chief, are you sure you're okay?" "Yes, I'm okay. Why is everybody asking me if I'm okay? I'm okay. Okay? Okay, the very next person that asks me if I'm okay is going to get fired. Okay?" "Okay." (Perry leaves.) "That man is not okay." -Jimmy, Perry, Daily Planet Staff
• "I saw her today." "Who? Lois Lane?" "What a babe." "Yes, indeed, and she's also a very brilliant investigative reporter for the Daily Planet." "She talked to me like I was suppose to know her. Dad, can I see her again?" "You stay away from her." -Superman Clone & Lex
• "You breed them, you raise them, you want the best for them. One day you're the center of their universe. The next thing you've flown the nest, and the phone never rings." -Lex

• "What goes on a salad does not go on a pizza." -Jack
• "No, but I have no choice. If I go out there and try to get to the bomb, any one of those guys could kill any one of you. And, if that is a hair trigger under his finger, it could go off before i could stop it, and I can't take that risk." "Clark, take it easy, you're not Superman." -Clark & Lois
• "You know, it's time like these I think maybe I should just get a regular, boring job, settle down with a guy who sells insurance and have 2.4 kids." "Nah!" -Lois, Lois & Clark

• "Is that Kryptonite in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?" -Lex
• "Come in. I'll just put on a robe." "Unless it's lined with lead, Lois, that's a waste of time." -Lois & Superman
• "Remember when you asked me what I wanted when I first moved to Metropolis. I said that I wanted to meet someone, settle down, raise a family. Well, I know now that Lois is the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with." "Are you just now figuring that out? Your father and I have known that from the first moment that you started talking about her." "Maybe I did too. I just couldn't let myself..." "Do you love her son?" "Yeah, I do, Dad." "Good. Then tell her." "Tell her what? That I'm Superman?" "Ah, well that's gotta be up to you." "At least tell her how you feel. If she feels the same way, well, shouldn't take her too long to figure out you're no ordinary guy." -Clark, Martha, Jonathon
• "No, it's an historic day. Tomorrow, for the first time in 219 years, there will be no edition of the Daily Planet." -Perry
• "When I thought about losing my job at the Daily Planet, saying goodbye to Perry and Jimmy and everyone, I realized something. I realized that I could lose all that and still go on. I realized that there was really only one thing that I didn't want to live without and that was you. Seeing you everyday, working with you, just being with you." "Well, that's why you should come and be my partner." "No, Lois, listen to me. I'm not talking about partnership. I'm talking about us. I have been in love with you for a long time. You had to have known." "I mean, I, I knew. I mean, I guess I knew that you liked me or were attracted to me. Oh, Clark, I'm sorry, I just don't feel that way about you. Romantically. You're by best friend, and the only partner I could ever stand to work with. I admire you, and I respect you, and I do love you, as a friend." "What about Luthor? Do you love him?" "I don't know. I mean I have feelings for him. I haven't said yes yet. And I won't until I talk it over with someone else." "Who?" "I think you know who. If you see him, will you tell him I'm looking for him?" "Yeah." -Clark & Lois
• "Superman, is there any hope for us? You and me? I'm so completely in love with you, I can't do anything else without knowing." "Lois, I do car for you. But there are things about me that you don't know, that you may never know." "But it doesn't matter. I know you. I don't mean the celebrity or you the superhero. If you had no powers at all, if you were just any ordinary man, living an ordinary life, I would love you just the same. Can't you believe that?" "I wish I could, Lois. But, under the circumstances, I don't see how I can." -Lois & Superman

• "Mrs. Lex Luthor. Lois Lane Luther. Lois Luther Lane. Lois Lane...Kent. Lois Lane" -Lois
• "Maybe it's time to call in the big guns!" "The police?" "No, Lois." -Perry & Jack
• "Clark, I miss you." "I miss you too, Lois." -Lois & Clark
• "Maybe Luthor is what she wants." "Here, all this time I thought we were tryin' to save the Daily Planet." "We are chief. I just..." "I'm just funnin' with you, son. You know, women are like trout. You get em on a line, you tug a little bit too hard, they're gonna go free. You've gotta hope that faith and the currents kinda drift em your way." -Clark & Perry
• "Oh, I know it must be tough, lying there, seeing me all decked up like this, on my way to marry Lois Lane, while you lie there helplessly and suffer. And tonight, and tonight, tonight won't be just any night. I love Lois, I do. I really do. But she's just a little too independent, don't you think? Well, I'll take care of that." -Lex
• "I...I..." "Lois?" "I can't." (Perry and the police burst in.) "Lois!" "Lex, they cam" "Stop the wedding. You can't marry this man." "What's there an echo in here? I just said that." -Lois, Lex, Perry
• "You never gave up on the Planet, on your friends, on me." "I couldn't. You've just named probably everything in this world that's precious to me." "I don't think I have ever, will ever, meet anyone quite like you." "Lois." "Clark. No, let me go first." "No, no, no, not this time. Lois, I'm sorry about a lot of things. I wanted to bring Luthor down, but I never wanted to hurt you. I shouldn't have said anything about the way I felt toward you. It put you in an incredibly awkward position." "No, Clark, I really..." (Fingers crossed behind his back) "No, the truth of the matter is, it wasn't true. I'm not in love with you, I..." "You're not." "I would have said anything to stop you from marring Luthor." "Well, if that's how you feel." "I want the samething you want. For us to be friends, partners, forever." "Forever." "What did you wanna say?" "Oh, nothing. What you said, just that, sort of." (Hearing a cry.) "Uh, could you excuse me for a second, Lois? We can continue this later. I have to go real quick." (Clark leaves.) "Sure, why not. Go. Run off and disappear like you always do when we're having a discussion. Well, guess everything's back to normal. (Sees Superman.) I'm not done with you either, big fella." -Lois & Clark

If you would like to contribute or you see a problem with wording of any quote from the first season, please email me.

This page was last updated on March 26, 1998.