Season Two Quotes

These are some of our favorite quotes from the second season:
Madame Ex

• "Nobody knows me better than me. And believe me, I'm fine." "Oh, is that why you have all those candybars in your desk drawer?" "Those are for emergency, in case I have some drastic drop in blood sugar level. And what were you doing in my drawers anyway?" -Lois & Clark
• "Who are these idiots?" "Well, whoever they are, they were clever enough to create an acrostic." "A what?" "An acrostic. It's a word or a message subliminally hidden in a series of lines. In this case, the first letter of each one of these words spell the word "stop"." "Oh, well, they're still idiots." -Lois & Clark
• "But, my reporter's instinct says something's up. What does your instinct say?" "My instincts say, never argue with a woman who's just been behind bars." -Lois & Clark
• "Wow, you look great. Little heavy on the eyeliner I think." "Sorry, but you're a little plain for me." "Plain? Sure beats whatever shopping channel convinced you that was a good look." "Hey, you gotta look like a prissy, glorified typist, you gotta dress the part." "Well, my hair has a lot more bounce than this cheap wig." -Lois & Lois double

• "The light makes them look bigger." -Clark
• "Now, Lois, don't you have anything to say to Clark?" "Uh, right. Clark, I, uh, I'm very, uh..." "Surprised? "Stunned, shocked, in need of oxygen." -Perry, Lois, Clark
• "Since we already went and made plans, I was wondering if you'd like to go to the Kerth Awards?" "You mean as your date?" "I was gonna go as yours." "So, you want me to hang on your arm and smile and tell people how proud I am of my great big reporter man?" "Sounds good to me. Lois, I'm kidding. You know, we'd have fun and since you already bought that dress..." "I did not buy that dress for the Awards. I bought that dress around the sametime at the Awards. It was a coincidence. And, to tell you the truth, I didn't ever like the stupid thing, and I'm returning it." "Lois, you're not upset because I got nominated..." "That is ridiculous. We both did great stories. Mine destroyed an international drug network, and yours told the really searing truth about old people. And...and...I can't believe that. I mean there's gotta be some mistake. They lost my story, or their brains were taken over by aliens or something, because...Oh, god, look at me. This is really pathetic, isn't it? I didn't know I could be this small. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." -Clark & Lois
• "Son, I've seen like this before. The doors are locked, the alarm's on, and you ain't gettin' in." -Perry
• "Lois, you're kinda babbling." "I know. See, I never babble." "Are you kidding? You're a brook." -Clark & Lois
• "So, how did I rate as a date?" "Oh, A-plus." "I hung on your arm decoratively." "You did." "Fawned appropriately." "Absolutely." "And just faded into the background during your big moment." "You were beautiful yet invisible." "Mmm, make me go through another night like that, and I'll rip out your spleen." -Lois & Clark

• "Excuse me, no cuts." "Who are you?" "Lois Lane, the reporter." "Big deal. My mom signs your checks." "Well, that's no reason to be rude." "Since when? Hey, you wanna race? Loser buys cotton candy." "Just cotton candy?" "On what you make, that's probably all you can afford." "Lois, come on, she's just a kid." "You're on...My favorite flavor is pink." -Lois, Little Girl, Clark
• "Lois, if anyone knows what it's like to be on the outside, I do. Sometimes I feel like I'm out there fighting all alone. Sometimes I feel like giving up. But, then I remember that what I stand for is more important than anything else. Your work is important to the people of Metropolis. You're a brilliant, passionate journalist. Adversity has never stopped you before. Don't let it start now." "That's funny. Clark said the same thing." "I'm not surprised. Clark is a very smart guy...Lois, don't stop believing in yourself. I haven't." -Superman & Lois
• "Our byline is gonna look great on a Pulitzer someday." "Yeah, but whose name is gonna go first?" "Mine, of course." "It is great to have you back, partner." -Lois & Clark

• "What'd ya open the door for?" "I don't know. I thought maybe for a moment there, maybe..." "What? You were gonna stick you foot out and drag it along the street and stop the car?" "Mmm." "You've been watching too many Flintstones cartoons." -Lois & Clark
• "If you don't mind my saying so, I think you have great legs. I think I read somewhere that intelligent men are leg-men. Only boobs are interested in, well, you know. Anyway, I think you have very shapely legs. They're like two perfectly-formed carrots." "Stop. You're embarrassing me." -Victor & Lois

• "Mayson likes me, Clark, but she hates Superman. Which is kinda confusing because Lois loves Superman but only likes Clark. Mayson likes Clark, but in a different way than Lois, and Mayson hates Superman in a way that's different from anybody." "Oh, Clark, I've been afraid something like this was going to happen." "What?" "You're beginning to talk about yourself in the third person." "Martha, the boy has two gorgeous women running after him. This does not rate high on the list of world problem." "That's true, but let's not forget that Mayson maybe an agent of Intergang." "Well, nobody's perfect, son. How about a piece of pie?" -Clark, Martah, Jonathon
• "Perry, Clark is my best friend, and I don't want to lose him." -Lois
• "I shouldn't have lost my temper." "Well, you're entitled to. I lose mine once every...what?" "Three, four minutes." -Clark & Lois
• "Mayson's not really so bad. She's a little pushy, but she's obviously so desperate, who can blame her? I think what you said is right...No matter what happens, I'll never lose Clark." -Lois

• "I suppose you've kept in touch with all your college friends?" "Well, yeah." "Well, sure. That's easy when you go to Smallville U, with a graduating class of ten farmers and a cow." "Just hate losin' those arguments, don't ya?" -Lois & Clark
• "'To Stretch, no one swings like you do. Love, Teddy.' Stretch?" "We were in gymnastics together. He was trying to be cute." "Stretch. I like it." "And it's the last time you'll use it." -Clark & Lois
• "Well, you don't have to get snippy with me. I am not the one who dated a psycho." "Lois, in what maybe out last minutes on Earth, is this really what you want to talk about?" "Well, yes, for once, I would like it if you would agree with me about Ryan." "Look, he was cute, we had a lot of common interests, we fell in love. How was I suppose to know he was going to turn out to be a psycho?" "Ha! So you admit it?" "Alright, I admit it. But we're still gonna die, so what good does it do?" "Well, I feel a little better." "Great." -Lois & Molly

• "In one lousy second, I lost my partner and my best friend. He died without knowing. I never told him." -Lois
• "I know our relationship has always been difficult to define, but, when I thought about how much I missed you, how much I was going to miss you for the rest of my life, well, I started to think, maybe there's more to our relationship than just friendship. (Seeing him asleep.) Or, maybe not?" -Lois

• "We need to talk to Superman, and the only way I can ever get his attention is to fall out a window, which I'd rather not do right now, or tell you. So, here I am." "You know, I'll be right back. I forgot my mail downstairs." "Clark, this is important. You can get your mail later." "Yeah, but I'm expecting my, uh...cheese-of-the-month shipment. I'll be right back." -Lois & Clark
• "Everything is fine. Except, I'm in cage, in a bunker, underneath a mausoleum, in a cemetery, nobody knows I'm here except a bunch of very strange people." -Lois

• "Am I going to have to spank you?" -Martha
• "It's just that it is everywhere. Ribbons and wreaths and mistletoe and trees and Santas and elves and Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, pounding you in the face over and over, 'You must love Christmas! You must love Christmas! You must love Christmas!'" -Lois
• "Clark, you're not the boss of us!" -Lois
• "Lois is in trouble. Lois is in trouble." "Well, I have all the rats, and you don't have any." -Clark & Lois
• "I never spanked you. I never had to. But right now, I'd like to drop your britches and tan your hide like cheap leather." -Martha

• "Hey what happened to you? You've been gone two hours. Where's my yogurt?" "Oh, right, yogurt. Remember how you said to surprise you?" "Yeah." "Well, I didn't bring you anything. Ha! Suprise!" "And you think I'm fat, don't you?" "What?" "That's why you didn't bring me any yogurt. You think I'm fat." "Lois, believe me, I do not think you're fat. I just thought, you know, it might be funny to not bring you anything. Ha!" -Lois & Clark
• "Here's some oatmeal if you want." "Did you make it?" "Yeah. You probably don't believe that." (He looks at the drippy oatmeal.) "No, I believe it." -Lois & Clark
• "Does he think that because he couldn't defeat some robot that that changes the way I feel about him? Clark, that's not what attracts me. It's his intelligence and caring. He's...he has integrity and an innate goodness. I mean, he's a lot like you." -Lois

• "Get your own damn coffee!" -Lois
• "Typical." "Excuse me?" "Lois, he's just trying to provoke you." "Are you implying something?" "He's obviously doing a great job." "That women are volatile and unstable, prone to emotional outbursts? Well, let me tell you something. At least we don't form organizations the sole purpose of which is to hide from the opposite sex." -Guard, Lois, Clark
• "What I'm saying is...Men work!...And women work, of course. And, uh, Clark, help me out, huh?" "I know nothing." -Jonathon & Clark
• "A mild-mannered reporter really a superhero? Clark, come on." -Lois
• "Excuse me, Lois Lane, here. Remember me? Award-winning investigative reporter, emphasis on investigative, specializing in covert break-ins." "Lois, you may not go on this mission." "Well, what am I suppose to do, sit here knitting waiting for the hunter-gatherers to return?" "Clark, explain it to here, will you?" "Chief, have you heard the expression 'pulling a Schultz'?" "Ah, Hogan's Heroes. I know nothzing." "I see nothzing." "I hear nothzing." -Lois, Perry, Clark
• "But, personally, I'd order from the Szechwan Palace. Now, the House of Hunan is great, but all this garlic just gives me gas." "Mom, I've got company here." "Oh, I'm sorry, she's family." -Martha & Clark

• "It's not Clark's style to go chasin' out after some babe." -Perry
• "Can you get me some oolong?" -Clark
• "I'm mad. I'm furious. It's always the samething...where is Clark Kent when anybody needs him?" -Lois

• "Do you know the story of the Phoenix?" -Lex
• "I'm just trying to ask you out. I'm not trying to negotiate a nuclear arms treaty." -Clark
• "Uh, Lois, I...I want to ask you something." "Ooh, I'm not going to like it, am I?" "What makes you say that?" "You've got that tone in your voice. You know, when people are uncomfortable, like when they wanna borrow your car, or money, your clothes?" "Uh, okay, you got me, I wanna borrow your clothes." "I bet you'd look real cute in black chiffon." "What I wanna say is I..." "I know what you want, Clark." "You do?" "I know you a lot better than you think. How much do you need?" "What? No, I don't want money, Lois." "Clark, you don't have to be embarrassed. That's what friends are for. Just tell me how much." "Lois, I want you to go out with me." "What? You're asking me out?" "Yeah, you know, like on a date." "A date? You mean like on a real date? Where I take out my good perfume, the one that I got after I saw "Love Affair," the good one, not the remake, and I put a dab behind my knee, I don't even know why?" -Clark & Lois
• "I want you to know how happy I am for you and that that are a lot of people out there that are really pulling for this to work out." "What people?" "What, did you think it was a big secret that Clark here has been mooning over you?" "I wouldn't say mooning exactly, I..." -Bobby, Lois, Clark
• "Hi." "Hi. Oh, god, this is exactly why we shouldn't go out." "All I said was hi." "Yes, I know, and a dozen thoughts went through my mind...You know, how's my makeup? Do I smell good? Do I have coffee breath? See, and all that was just with you saying hi. What's going to happen when you start saying words with more than one syllable?" "What did they put in your coffee this morning?" -Clark & Lois
• "You know, I think that's the first time I've ever heard them agree on anything." "Yeah, well, a budding romance will do that for you." "How did you know that?" "Jimmy, I did not become editor of a major newspaper because I can yodel." -Jimmy & Perry

• "It's me right? I do this to them, I make them insane. No, no, it's them. They're already insane. I just seem to find it. Cause I'm too smart, smart and alone, and talking to a piece of plastic." -Lois
• "You were trying to say something and I...I..." "Had a sudden urge to return a tape. It's perfectly understandable. I needed to express a deep personal feeling. You had to save three dollars." "Lois, you know, I really hope that someday you learn that sometimes what it seems like people are doing isn't really what they're doing." -Clark & Lois
• "It's not the first time I've bent the law for a story, but I did feel bad because, after I finished rationalizing it, I realized that a big part of why I did it is because I don't like you." "Really? Oh, god, this is such a relief. I don't like you either." "Really?" "Really." "Well, that makes me feel so much better. I couldn't stand the idea that I was just jealous because of Clark. It's so..." "Petty. I know. I mean it feels so much better just to..." "To dislike you because...you're you." -Lois & Mayson

• "Jimmy, give me back my dress!" "Now, there's something you don't hear around the newsroom everyday." -Lois & Clark
• "If you were a baseball player..." -Clark
• "Hold the elevator!" -Jimmy
• "Oh, I can't leave town. In two days, I have an exclusive interview with the President of the United States, and it's not that often I get to meet someone with such incredible power. Except for you, I mean, but you're different. I mean, not different in an obvious way, but, you know, you're just sort of more than a story and...I don't know. You know. You're, you're...Well, you know what you are. Don't you?" -Lois

• "Why wouldn't the Chief want us to tell Jimmy that he said that?" "It's one of those father/son things." "Oh, really?" "Sure, it's classic. Men are uncomfortable expressing their emotions directly. It's just like the father/daughter thing, only, when you finally do talk, you use more sports metaphors." "Ha, that's ridiculous." (Perry sticks his head out of his office) "Clark, if Jimmy calls, tell him I know it feels like the bottom of the ninth with two outs and two strikes agains him, but that the Planet is gonna mount a full-court press, and we won't stop until it's game, set, match, Olsen." -Clark, Lois, Perry
• "Hah! There's another landmine." "People shouldn't have to live up to other people's expectations." "Oh, come on, we do it all the time." "For example?" "For example, you're not going to wear that to dinner tonight, are you? You're gonna go home and change because we both have expectations about how each other's going to look. You'll be wearing something elegant, not too dark, charcoal suit. And I will be dressed in deep violet..." "Burgundy." "Burgandy?" "Or violet." "That's what you've always dreamed of seeing me in, burgundy? I don't have much in burgundy. Um, maybe if I hurry, I can make it to Neiman's before they close." "Lois, you don't have to do that." "No, no, wait, what time are picking me up? 8? Uh, make it 8:15. Oh, no, forget it, that's a bad way to start a date, being late. 7:45. No, 8, I don't want you to think I'm flaky changing my mind all the time." -Lois & Clark
• "It just seemed to work. It was really nice. That's why I can never see you again." (She shuts the door in his face.) "Lois?" -Lois & Clark
• "I need a new partner." "I knew it. One bad date, there goes my whole newsroom. Why don't you just shoot me now, send me up to Elvis?" "Perry..." "No...no...no, Lois, don't say it. You know, I have stood on the sidelines, hoping against hope that Mother Nature would smile on you two, that the bluebird of happiness would come down light on your shoulder, that four-leaf clovers would sprout up wherever you walked, and all the time my gut is singing a different aria." "Perry..." "Lois, anybody with a half a hemisphere can see that you two are gasoline and fire, TNT and matches, two trains headed toward..." "Perry! Thank you. The problem is we didn't have a bad date. It was a really great date, and now I'm completely panicked, and I have no idea what to do next." "Oh...oh, darlin'. Come here, honey." -Lois & Perry
• "Lois, about last night." "These things are kind of attractive, in a hideous sort of way." "I'm a bit confused." "Oh, look, yours has a stapler and a radio, pencil sharpener, that's pretty convenient." "Did I do something to offend you? Because if I did, I apologize." "Oh, my goodness, imitation wood paneling. Huh, must be the deluxe model." "Lois, no one's asking you for a lifetime commitment or anything like that, so there's no pressure here at all." "Oh, look, batteries are included." "Here, you wanna trade?" "No. No, no, no. No, no, I love mine. I love mine." "Please, believe me, I've been looking for something like this for a long time." "Clark, I don't...Oh, Clark, about last night." "Yeah?" "Well, I just wanna say that..." "Stop the presses! I've always wanted to say that in a newsroom." "Nobody ever says that, you know. It's just on television." "Well, sure, but it still felt good." -Clark, Lois, Mayson
• "You know, now I know what you boys were doing in sixth grade when the girls had to go to the auditorium for the hygiene lecture. You were learning sports metaphors." -Lois
• "Lois, I don't really know exactly how to say this, but why did you come back to me tonight to the factory? I mean, you were running back into an atomic explosion." "I know, it doesn't make much sense, does it? I guess I just couldn't leave you there." "You slammed the door in my face last night." "That was a mistake." "Don't let it happen again." "I guess we'll, um, just have to see how things go, won't we?" "Fortunately, there's no doors here tonight." "Fortunately." -Clark & Lois

• "Uh, Lois, could you hand me a nail file?" "Why do men always assume that women have nail files with them?" "I'm sorry, but do you have a nail file?" "Actually, I do, but only because it's part of my pocket knife." -Clark & Lois
• "How do I look?" "Appropriately cheap." "Just let me do most of the talking." "You usually do." -Lois & Clark

• "You haven't said a word since 1866." -Clark
• "I'm in danger of choking on my own vomit." -Tempus
• "If you wanna kill Superman, I don't know why you're going to Smallville or 1966." "She doesn't know yet. Oh, this is good. This is really good. Um, Lois, did you know that, in the future, you're revered at the same level as Superman? Why there are books about you, statues, an interactive game. You're even a breakfast cereal." "Really?" "Yes. But, as much as everybody loves you, there is one question the keeps coming up...'How dumb was she?' Here, I'll show you what I mean. Look (Puts glasses on.), I'm Clark Kent. (Takes glasses off.) No, I'm Superman. (Puts glasses on.) Mild-mannered reporter. (Takes glasses off.) Superhero. Hello! Duh! Clark Kent is Superman! Ha, ha, ha. Well, that was worth the whole trip. To actually meet the most galactically stupid woman who ever lived." -Lois & Tempus
• "Why tights, why a cape? You're a grown man...don't you feel ridiculous?" "My mother made it for me." -Tempus & Superman
• "Don't I know you?" "I don't think so. Most of my friends are pro gun-control." "No, wait, Lois Lane. Yes. I've seen the holograms. Well, this is a special pleasure, Ms. Lane. I'm Tempus. I'm from the future that you and Superman created." "Me and Superman?" "A world of peace. A world with no greed or crime. A world so boring you'd blow your brains out, but there are no guns." -Tempus & Lois
• "Lois, I did not lie to you. I just told you certain facts to keep you from finding out about certain other facts." "You know, you oughtta run for President. Oh, but you can't you weren't born here. Then again, you could lie. Look at you now, renting a car. That's a big fat lie. What do you need a car for, you're Superman." -Clark & Lois
• "Lois, Superman is what I can do, Clark is who I am." -Clark
• "What's the matter, my dear?" "Oh, you've been to the future, Mr. Wells. Is it true what Tempus said about me?" "Oh, yes. You're as highly-revered as any woman in history." "Oh, no, I meant about being galactically stupid." "No, no, no, Miss. Lane, not stupid, blind. It is one of the many things that makes your story so timeless. Why children never tire of hearing it at bedtime. Why parents never outgrow it. Generation after generation, we are all blinded by love, Miss Lane. Especially that one great love that changes us forever." -H.G. Wells & Lois

• "Oh, and you could stay with me. As long as you don't analyze me." "Just how long have you had this fear of self-discovery, Lois?" -Lois & Sarah
• "You know I could tell a lot about you from the way you organize you kitchen. I'm taking this course in applied psychology." "Sarah, I orderd you not to analyze me." "Oh, right. That's exactly what I would have said about you from the way you organize your kitchen." -Sarah & Lois
• "So, what is going on with you and Clark?" "Nothing that is any of your business. (Pause.) Okay, we went on a date, and it was great, and we kissed and that was really great. And, ever since then, he's been tiptoeing around. I have no idea what his problem is." "Mm, hmm, and now this Scardino guy's arrived on the scene, and he's looking pretty good. Lois, it's classic. Psych 101. Okay, look, you ever had rocky road ice cream?" "I think that's a bad example, if you're gonna be talking about relationships." "Just a metaphor, Lois, just go with me. If I told you that you could only have one ice cream flavor for the rest of your life, what would it be, rocky road or chocolate?" "Well, I don't know, I guess I'd have to try rocky road before I decided." "That's the point. Clark's chocolate. I mean, it's good, it's good and all, but, you know, you've had it." "Yes, but you can put hot fudge on it and whipped cream and nuts." "Bananas." "Oh, bananas." "Ooh, don't take me there. Okay, now this Scardino guy, he's rocky road. He's different, interesting, chunky." "You know, Sarah, if you go around trying every flavor that comes out, you're gonna get awfully fat." "Well, that's when you go for the little, pink, plastic taster spoons. A little bit of this, a little bit of that. I'm telling you, Lois, chocolate will always be there." "Not necessarily. I think I'd really miss chocolate if I couldn't have it." -Sarah & Lois

• "Do you have a girlfriend right now?" "Yes. No. It's kind of complicated. I haven't exactly told her everything about me, and I'm afraid that that is, well, it's making her drift toward this other guy." "Does he have superpowers too?" -Dr. Frisken & Superman
• "Oh, you've spent some time in therapy?" "Oh, no. Uh, just that the last psychiatrist that I saw, well, had an exact double of me made and tried to kill me." "And how did that make you feel?" -Dr. Frisken & Lois
• "But you've gotta promise you won't disappear. And you'll be there at 7...and 7:01...and 7:02...and 7:03...and 7:04...and 7:05..." -Lois

• "My heart is so conflicted!" -Lois
• "No, don't say a word. Allow me. Lois, I can explain. I suddenly remembered that I had to get my mother's sister's poodle's hair cut, and so you can see why I had to leave you in the middle of our date with your thumb in your ear. But I'm sure you'll understand." -Lois
• "He doesn't love you, Elise. You can tell when a man loves you by the way he treats you, by the way he looks at you, by the way..." "Look, Ms. Lane, if you've found the perfect man, then I'm happy for you." "No, he's about as far from perfect as you gt, but I'll tell you the difference between him and Calvin. I know he wants my happiness more than his own." -Lois & Elise
• "You live above us, and, when we try and bring you down here, we just end up showing the worst sides of ourselves. I tried to love you. I realized that that was selfish, because you're not just here for me, you're here for all of us. I'll always need you, and I'll always be your friend, but there's someone here who needs me, and I just need to figure out how to get him to see that." -Lois
• "You know, we let ourselves get distracted, and we work too much, and we fight about silly things. And all because we're trying to hide from each other, and I'm sick of it. The only reason to hide is because we're scared." "Of what?" "Of the fact that we're partners, and best friends, and this. (Kiss.) Clark, if you're gonna run away from this, tell me now." "I'm not gonna run, Lois. I'm ready to take the next step if you are." -Lois & Clark
• "We seek the comfort of another. Someone to shape and share the life we choose. Someone to help us through the neverending attempt to understand ourselves. And, in the end, someone to comfort us along the way." -Marlin Finch Lupus

• "Chief, instead of always standing around watching Lois and Clark, wondering what they're doing, what if we got lives of our own that were a little more interesting." "It's like we're supporting characters in some TV show, and it's THEIR show." "Yeah, yeah, it's like all we do is advance their plots." "To tell you the truth, I'm sick of it." "Man, me too." -Jimmy & Perry
• "The way you touched me..." -Lois
• "If the Earth opened up from my feet, I wouldn't move until I said this...Lois, will you marry me?" -Clark
• "Lois, I've got something I want to tell you." "It's not good news, is it?" "Well, I don't know, maybe." "No. It's not. I can tell by your face." "Lois, maybe you'd better sit down." "Oh yeah, this is good news." -Clark & Lois

If you would like to contribute or you see something wrong with the wording of any quote from the second season, please email me.

This page was last updated on April 3, 1998.